oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
