i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
