It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
