I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize