Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
