Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
