I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
