dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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