I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
