the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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