rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
