someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
