Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
