I want to stick my p in your. b.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
