I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
