you traded sex for a burrito?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
