You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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