she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
