Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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