I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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