i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
