i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
