mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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