how hairy? two words: wookie tits
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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