Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
