Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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