The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am available for nakedness
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
