Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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