yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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