i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is wine microwaveable?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
