i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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