dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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