You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
