Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
