I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
