This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize