I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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