i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
