omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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