you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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