just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
