Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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