Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
