Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
