I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
