How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
