i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
