Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
