You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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