is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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