if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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