I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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