i was rollin on her like bob the builder
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
