so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
