I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
