Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
