Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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