i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
