I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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