My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
