I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
