I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
