Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
