Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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