ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
