i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My life is pants optional.
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