Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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