Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
